Ghosts

'm not really sure how to go with this today. I had a lovely afternoon at the PTC airshow, and saw some nifty airplanes. It was nice out and I was fed by ASA employees (thanx J and grace!). I hated to leave and come to work. But i did get to see some of the F-16 demo driving back. And as I watched this nimble little fighter come speeding across the tree tops, and do all sorts of manuevures that are just amazing, the first thought I had was, it must suck to live in a war zone where these things come raining in missiles and bombs... it would scare the hell out of me.

Second thing of impact in the last 24 hours is I found some one here on myspace I was not expecting. Even though I went searching, I didn't expect results. Even worse, it only took me 15 minutes to find her on here.

So, now there's a whole list of things running through my head. I wonder if... she knows I'm on here? I wonder if she cares? I wonder if she reads these blogs? She could be one of my mystery readers... hrrmm. And most of all I wonder if she still hates me. It's been years since the break up, and I'll admit I probably could have ended things better, or maybe not dumped her and had a talk with her about the issues. But no. In my defense, I was REALLY young. And honestly, she was the first girlfriend ever... virgin territory for me.

She does have the distinction of being my only real relationship I would say, and by far the longest. And that is really kinda sad when I think about it. One could say its a result of a massive fear of committment????

Its brought back a lot of memories, good and bad, and I was really shocked to see her appearance hasn't changed. I thought I would have a hard time recognizing her, but nope... still as cute as the first day I met saw her. I suppose we all have a girl or guy like that, the first one for many things, and many mistakes. I hope I've learned a little since then.

I don't know yet if I'm going to write her or say hi. We'll see.

Now its time to get back to work, its friday for me. Four days off and no real plans. Unfortunately that gives me a lot of time to just dwell on things, though it may be a good thing.

I suddenly feel the need for a conversation with Jack... 6 more hours to go.