Nice girls can like the cock too!!!

So... I'm a bit buzzed, I had plans for the evening but they fell through. It was unfortunate that it happened but I salvaged the situation. I had wonderful conversations with some interesting people (one is responsible for the subject line... it was too good not to share). If I start rambling, I apologize.

One of the conversations tonight touched on a subject thats very close to me. Trust. Yes, I'll admit I have issues when it comes to trust. There are a select few people who could tell me something and I'll blindly trust the words are undeniable fact. Most everyone else, I honestly think theres a 50% chance they're completely bullshitting me. It takes a while for people to get to the point I don't think they may be less than honest with me.

I'm not completely sure why I feel this way, perhaps it has something to do with my childhood, or maybe its because I've been hurt by some one I gave my all too.. I'm sure i could pay a therapist to tell me what he/she thinks is the root of my issues, but I'm not that well off to be able afford a professional. Besides, who cares what some psychotherapist thinks, he doesnt know what I'm thinking all the time. Only I know that. And it doesn't have to be anything all that consequential... meaning if some one says they think I look cuter with my hair longer, my first reaction is "really?", unfortunately in my mind I hear "are they just saying that because they think it is what I want to hear or are they being honest". And its not that the person may have ever given me a reason to think them to be dishonest its just I tend to suspect everyone I meet.

I had a dream last night that I had a conversation with some one I once related well too but in the last year we have gone our separate ways. And I cant remember the entire dream conversation, but it was very disheartening... And those of you who know my history with my friend Gaylene in Australia, you have an idea what may have come about in my dream. I do miss talking to her, and perhaps I was not aware at the time of certain feelings she may have had... and theres nothing I can do about that now, I tend to be really dense when it comes to reading women... We had such great conversations. Maybe some day we'll both get past our pride and hurt and rekindle the friendship... But the point here is she was one of those few people I immediately drop the walls for to get to know. And then, it went bad. Its a recurrent theme in my life, especially with some "love interests". Its hard to give some one your heart and your all, and to trust them to keep it well guarded and nurtured... especially when the past has shown you it doesnt happen to you.

Again, I have to remind myself, the one is still out there looking for you as much as you're looking for them.

And one last thing, I received an invite for my cousins wedding in October, and my name was spelled wrong. I can't believe that they spelled my name wrong. I think I'm going to change it, since apparently theres too many ways to spell Jamie... maybe I'll go by my middle name (I'm not telling anyone what it is). Maybe I'll just change it all together... any ideas?